Grieving Through the Holidays
Cope with missing loved ones during the holidays while still finding joy in the season
The holidays can be hard when someone you love isn’t around to celebrate them with you.
The twinkly lights, the endless carols, the forced cheer, it all hits differently when there’s an empty chair at the table. You’re smiling at the party, but inside you’re thinking, They should be here.
If you're grieving this holiday season, whether it's your first without them or your fifth, know this: you're not alone, and you don't have to fake your way through the festivities. There is a way to hold space for your sadness and still let a little joy sneak in, without guilt, pressure, or pretending everything’s fine.
Acknowledge That It’s Hard, Because It Is
You don’t have to pretend the holidays are “merry and bright” when you’re carrying a heavy heart.
Grief doesn’t take time off, so give yourself permission to feel everything you’re feeling, without slapping a fake smile on it for the sake of the season.
It’s okay to cry when your favorite carol comes on.
It’s okay to skip the party and stay in your PJs.
It’s okay to miss them so much it physically aches.
You don’t owe anyone your joy. But here’s the surprising thing: when you let yourself grieve, it creates space for little moments of peace and joy to creep back in on their own.
Say Their Name (Yes, Really)
You know what feels worse than grief? Silence.
People avoid mentioning the person you lost because they don’t want to upset you, but you’re already thinking about them. Saying their name, telling their stories, and keeping them in the conversation actually helps.
Some ways to do it:
Share a favorite memory over dinner.
Make a toast in their honor.
Hang a special ornament or light a candle just for them.
Play their favorite holiday song (and maybe cry-sing through it—zero judgment).
Grief doesn’t erase love. If anything, it makes it louder. Let it speak.
Start a New Tradition (or Reimagine an Old One)
If the old way of celebrating feels too painful, you’re allowed to mix things up.
Traditions don’t have to be rigid, they can evolve. The key is finding ways to honor your loved one and take care of yourself in the process.
Here are some ideas to try:
Memory Box: Set out a box where people can drop in handwritten notes, stories, or messages for the person you’re missing.
Holiday Service: Donate or volunteer in their name. Giving back can be surprisingly healing.
Recipe Revival: Cook (or order) their favorite dish—even if it’s weirdly specific and involves marshmallows.
Solo Ritual: Light a candle, go on a walk, or write them a letter. Make space for private remembrance.
You don’t have to do it all. Just do what feels meaningful, and skip the rest without guilt.
Find Your “Grief Buddy”
You don’t need a therapist on speed dial (though shoutout to therapy), but you do need someone who gets it.
Find your grief buddy, the friend, sibling, cousin, or co-worker you can text when the family gathering gets heavy or when the smell of cinnamon suddenly breaks you. Someone who won’t try to fix it, just sit with you in it.
And if no one in your circle fits the bill? There are online grief communities and hotlines that can be incredibly supportive. You’re not meant to carry this alone.
Set Boundaries Like a Pro
The holidays are basically boundary boot camp. Here’s your cheat sheet:
Don’t want to go to the party? You don’t have to.
Want to leave early? Totally fine.
Not up for small talk about what you’re “grateful for”? Smile, nod, and go refill your drink.
Need to skip gifts or cards this year? Do it. Your emotional energy is a limited resource. Spend it wisely.
Setting boundaries isn’t rude, it’s survival. Protect your peace.
Let Joy Coexist With Grief
Here’s the most important thing no one tells you:
It’s okay to feel happy. Yes, even while you’re grieving. Yes, even during the holidays.
Laughing at a dumb movie, feeling cozy under the lights, enjoying your grandma’s cookies, none of these things erase your grief. They just give it a softer place to land.
Grief and joy aren’t opposites. They’re roommates.
Be Gentle With Yourself
You’re doing something incredibly hard. You’re missing someone you love while the rest of the world keeps spinning like everything’s normal. That takes courage.
So don’t measure yourself by what you “should” be doing this season.
If you decorate, great. If you don’t, that’s okay too.
If you RSVP yes, then cancel last-minute, that’s human.
If you only get through the day by watching cheesy movies in stretchy pants? Consider it a win.
Grief rewrites the rules. So make new ones that work for you.
Carrying Them With You
You don’t have to “get over it.” You don’t have to “move on.” You just have to move through, with their memory alongside you.
Maybe this season won’t feel magical. But it can feel meaningful.
It can be slow, sacred, and real. It can hold space for the one you miss and still make room for connection, beauty, and peace. Even if only for a moment.
This holiday season, let your love for them show up in whatever way feels right. A memory. A laugh. A quiet moment under the stars.
They may be gone, but their spirit? Still very much here. 💙